How can I, Catullus?

How can I, Catullus?

How can I find thee, when there’s no road to thine heart?

How can I get there, when the shadows won’t part?

How can I talk to thee, when thou cannot hear me?

How can I speak, when thine listening doth flee?

How can I hold thee, when thou walk me by?

How can I reach thee, when all thou dost is sigh?

How can I love thee, when thou dost not care?

How can I breathe, when thou steal’s mine air?

How can I live, when thou poisoned my world?

How can I leave thee, my Catullus impearled?

Warrior Princess

Shadows, Catullus

Shadows, Catullus

Alas dearest Catullus, thou hast left me in the dark,

I hold the candle, thou held the spark.

I fear I must leave this now darkened way,

The Lady remains silent, She has nothing to say.

The shadows they chase me, their eternal pursuit,

Turning dreams into nightmares, their deaths they salute.

Mine heart it hast broken, it is now past repair,

The loss of thine love hath become my despair.

My soul is stood still; its light has been quenched,

It melts into shadows, in darkness it’s drenched.

Warrior Princess

Discarded, Catullus

Discarded, Catullus

My Catullus he left me, sitting on a cold, dark pew,

While he ran conspire with that old haggard shrew.

He abandoned me heartily and never looked back,

My soul he hath raided, my heart he hath sacked.

My Catullus he left me, weeping alone,

Wondering what turned his sweet heart to stone.

He abandoned me swiftly and never did care,

My heart he left bleeding, my soul he left bare.

My Catullus he left me, my heart on the floor,

Feeling so foolish for taking this tour.

He abandoned me fecklessly and never thought twice,

My soul he didst plunder, my heart he didst slice.

My Catullus he left me, my spirit a mess,

How could he feed me to such dire distress?

He abandoned me idly and never gave chase,

I was never his leman or his soul’s sweet embrace.

Warrior Princess

On the banks of the Styx

On the banks of the Styx

I used to play in those meadows once,

I know who belongs there, I’m not a dunce.

I loved the air, the flowers, their fragrance,

I could feel God’s warmth in their ethereal essence.

I could run and play and stare at the sky,

The angels were there just out of sight of my eye.

I could roll down the slopes with no fear of a stone,

For I knew that Our Lord would not leave me alone.

I walked across the clear forest lake,

My ever next footstep my eternal mistake.

Enchanted it sparkled with the viridian hues,

The Naiads enticed me then trapped me in shoes.

Alone and abandoned on the shores of the Styx,

Cerberus approaching as his lips he licked.

I fled to this land so barren and bare,

Where nothing is pure, not even the air.

The people are nasty; the babies all dead,

Their own dear mothers crushing their head.

Their limbs torn asunder; discarded as waste,

Our Lady doth weep; it’s an earthly disgrace.

The disabled and elderly are pushed to the side,

While people across nations do plot their demise.

Life is by invite, death is by choice,

The defenceless are robbed of their silent voice.

Money and mayhem, destruction and debt,

All are the trophies of this kingdom’s jetset.

Plunder and pillage are their eternal goal,

Gaia they destroyed, her heart they stole.

Gone are the oceans so deep and so rich,

Choked by humanity being a bitch.

Gone are the jungles with their hearts so pure,

For humanity’s indulgence knows no cure.

I sit and I look at this ever bleak world,

And wonder how hope could ever unfurl.

I look at the meadows from whence I came,

And ponder the joys of a life without shame.

I look at the children enclosed in their care,

And I pray in this torture they never will share.

I will take out the Naiads one by one,

So that for ever again they can deceive none.

Warrior Princess

Hades hath me

Hades hath me

The empty aching dullness wraps my spine in poison,

Mutating my failing blood to black from crimson.

Dragging the oxygen from my ever smarting lungs,

And twisting the sweetest sentiments upon my tongue.

The self-inflicted torment strikes me raw,

Raking, grazing, scraping, tearing with its ever growing claw.

Sucking out the life within my heart,

Tearing out my sinews a la carte.

The bloodied sputum from my soul spews forth,

The soundless breaking bones lined up as orth.

Demons multiply within the walls,

Bringing forth damnation as the fortress falls.

The rattling tender screeches of the deathly baintsíde,

As she drags her prize away this triumph succeeded.

The breathless hollowed cadaver on the shores of Styx,

The cartilage thereof dear Cerberus licks.

Warrior Princess

Silence, Catullus

Silence, Catullus

The silence screams its bawl of grief,

Filling my ears like a vacuumed thief.

The vacant expanse becomes incessant time,

Dragging me into its void of slime.

The harrowing eagerness of ravenous hope,

Beaten and bruised by the expected trope.

Squeezed from the sponge of atrophied care,

Blinded by the sight of unanswered prayer.

I cannot fathom the oppressive breath in my body,

The animate air makes my entire being cloddy.

It lifts me up on a cloud of thunder,

And limb from limb wrenches me asunder.

This tranquil torture like a wind from the sun,

Rips the skin from my bones to infinitely burn.

The exhaustion of amaranthine death,

Swamped by the effervescence of shibboleth.

The roots of destruction ensnare my repose,

My life and death they infinitely transpose.

My Catullus they’ve torn from my unbeating breast,

The devastation of souls their unceasing quest.

Warrior Princess

O qui flosculus Dei, mi Catulle

O qui flosculus Dei, mi Catulle

               

Lugete, o Veneres Cupidinesque                    (Grieve, O Venuses and Loves)

tam gratum est mihi quam ferunt pullae     (It’s welcome to me as they say)

nam mellitus erat, Catulli mei                        (For honey-sweet he was, my Catullus

                             Who blew away my soul like dust.

O qui flosculus Dei                                        (O flower of God)

lumina nocte                                                   (The light of my eyes)

puella defututa sum                                      (I am the female fuck-up)

                                    In thy glow I’m numb.

Quid est, Catulle?                                           (What next, Catullus?)

nunc audaz caue sis, precesque nostras    (Now don’t be rash, please – don’t reject)

Oro, si forte non molestum est                    (I beg you, meaning no offence)

                                    Do not leave me desolate hence.

Incensus, facetiisque                                     (Your charm, and wit)

misero quod omnis                                        (Which dispossesses poor me)

lingua sed torpet, tenuis sub artus             (But my tongue’s paralysed, invisible flame)

                                    Eternal confusion is now my purpose.

Ni te perdite amo atque amare porro              (If I’m not desperately in love)

omnes sum assidue paratus annos                   (And set to go on loving you)

quantum qui pote plurimum perire                 (Forever in utter desperation)

                                    I shall exist in eternal damnation.

Amatus nobis quantum amabitur nulla        (Loved by us as we shall love no other)

ride quidquid amas Catullum                          (Laugh as you love Catullus)

dum uestri sim particeps amoris                    (Provided I can share your love)

                                    And spend aeons in your iris.

Miser Catulle, desiderio meo nitenti     (Lovesick Catullus, my own bright-eyed desire)

vivamus, atque amemus                                  (We should live, and love)

nobis, cum semel occidit breuis lux              (For us, once our brief light has set)

                                    Shall eternity together be met.

Da mi basia mille, deinde centum        (Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred)

dein mille altera, dein secunda centum (Then another thousand kisses, then a second                                                                                                 hundred)

deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum (Then still another thousand, then a                                                                                                                   hundred)

                                    Kiss me until I can’t but blossom.

Siquis me sinat usque basiare                          (If someone let me go on kissing)

usque ad milia basiem trecenta                       (I’d kiss three hundred thousand times)

nec numquam uidear satur futurus                (Nor never think I’d had enough)

                                    My leman, my love, do not me rebuff.

Iucundum os oculosque suauiabor                 (I’ll kiss your merry face and eyes)

o quantum est hominum beatiorum               (O of all the happier people)

quid me laetius est beatiusue?                         (Who’s happier or more glad than I?)

                                    My very own soul I’ve outgrew.

Warrior Princess

Chaos, Catullus

Chaos, Catullus

Here in the middle mists of life,

I find confusion my dearest friend.

It creates a fountain of painful strife,

As hours with it I seem to spend.

I’ve crawled inside my soul and died,

It’s cold and grey and bled me dry.

I crawled in here in distress to hide,

It crushed my heart and made me sigh.

My heart’s a shrivelled seeping mass,

Greenish grey with the growing blight.

It writhes upon a bed of glass,

It cannot end this eternal night.

Mi Catulle what a mess you’ve made,

Indifferent in the steps you take.

My heart and soul you’ve ever flayed,

Their weeping chaos is in your wake.

Warrior Princess

Mi Catulle

Mi Catulle

I need to get off this merry-go-round

It’s driving my sanity into the ground.

I need to alight onto terra firma,

To return to ice from this state of magma.

I need to feel the hard cold air,

To put away the sun and all its fair.

I need the rain to drive me home,

To destroy the path I currently roam.

I need the waves to wipe me away,

To return hither, the laoch to stay.

I need the wind to bite my soul,

To bore so deep and extract the hole.

I need the clouds to envelop me,

To drown my lungs in a sky-felled sea.

I need the snow to bury me deep,

Into my heart its icicles seep.

I need the thunder to crack my crown,

To fry me up and flatten me down.

I need to bang my head to the floor,

To blind myself and see no more.

I need to flee my virtuous leman,

Mi Catulle, from you I’m ran.

Warrior Princess

Skelfs and all else, Catullus

Skelfs and all else, Catullus

I just want to spend every moment with you,

It’s about your presence, not what we do.

I just want to sit here as you chat,

And to finish the confabs that we’ve begat.

I am stupidly happy through the hours we spend,

But the hours we don’t, drive me round the bend.

I want to keep you all to myself,

The intruder becoming another skelf.

Let no other soul interfere

For its only you I want to hear.

Woe be with who fails to abide,

Or those who refuse to step aside.

I just want to hold you ever close,

It’s the ruin of my soul and makes me prose.

I want to enshroud you in my soul,

For there I know you’ll make me whole.

I want to protect you from the ills of the world,

From all the abuses it has ever hurled.

I want to make you ever mine,

To stand beneath the light you shine.

To renew our hearts when we renew the day,

For this Catullus I do ever pray.

What the hell am I to do?

Dear Catullus, I haven’t a clue!

Warrior Princess

Peril, Catullus

Peril, Catullus

Don’t ever try to handle me,

I do as I please,

So let me be.

At your peril this line you’ll cross,

I do as I please,

I am my boss.

Don’t ever tell me what to do,

I’ll call your bluff,

It’s you you’ll screw.

At your peril these words ignore,

I’ll win the clash,

Of that be sure.

Don’t ever back me to the wall,

I will stand,

You will fall.

At your peril, dear Catullus,

For fail to heed,

And I will cuss.

Don’t ever think you know my mind,

It makes you look foolish

And awfully blind.

At your peril me try to mould,

Fairly sharpish

You’ll feel the cold

Don’t ever think I’ll be good like thee,

I do as I please,

So let me be.

At your peril your power toss,

I do as I please,

I am my boss.

Warrior Princess

Sins, Catullus

Sins, Catullus

Oh let us both not quibble,

Over the rights and wrong of sins,

Of whether I’m a sibyl,

Or thou the slave of jinns.

I shall trade my trinkets,

Thou thy venom’d air,

To save thee blowing thy gaskets,

And I from breathing quare.

Thou shalt feel the pain,

Of exodus from within,

I have nought to gain,

Except thy heart to win.

Dispose of aught I shall,

To see thee smile again,

To boost thy soul’s morale,

To hear thee say, Amen.

Oh let us both not fight,

Over our ever human faults,

Let us both these divils smite,

Release them from their vaults.

I shall make a prayer for thee,

To help thee on thy way,

To set thy body free,

To rid thy soul of grey.

Thou shalt hate me evermore,

As demons thou shalt fight,

But this Catullus, I do implore,

Stay with me through the spite.

Dispose of years I would,

To hold thee in my heart,

For by thy side I’m stood,

From here I’ll never part.

Warrior Princess

An Hour, Catullus

An Hour, Catullus

Oh dear Catullus just an hour of thy time,

Make’s the bells of my heart, twinkle and chime.

Oh dear Catullus the sound of your laugh,

Take’s the grey from my soul and cuts it in half.

Oh dear Catullus the mischief in thine eye,

Make’s me giggle and laugh ‘til I almost cry.

Oh dear Catullus the sound of thy voice,

Take’s its hues from the skies, to my eternal rejoice.

Oh dear Catullus the touch of your hand,

Make’s my soul seek yours for eternal remand.

Warrior Princess

Breathe, Catullus?

Breathe, Catullus?

Breathe?

How can I breathe when my heart is unsheathe?

You cut the line and emptied my mind.

Read?

How can I read when I can’t even breathe?

You chewed me up and spat me back.

Write?

How can I write when my fingers won’t type?

You rang my heart and wrung my soul.

Sing?

How can I sing when my soul doth sting?

You stole the light and sold the dark.

Live?

How can I live when there’s nothing to give?

You walked away and I must stay.

Oh my Catullus my heart is thwart,

You insist from me you must part.

You’ve taken my heart, my soul, my mind,

And hastily left this shell behind.

Warrior Princess

Love Lost, Catullus

Love Lost, Catullus

To whom dost your heart belong Catullus, to me or to God?

Who am I but a woman, to compete when so flawed?

I do not know what yearns in your soul,

But I fear for my own, the death knell dost toll.

It’s cold gnarly fingers grasp at the hem,

My aching love it will forever condemn.

To whom dost your heart belong Catullus, to me or to God?

Who am I but a woman, to compete when so flawed?

Warrior Princess

A Night, Catullus

A Night, Catullus

A thunderbolt bounced me straight from my bed,

But could not thee discharge from my head.

My belly on fire, my limbs aflame,

Straight from the quiver above it came.

An appetence so rare in my soul was born

It kept me astir from night til morn.

Avaunt from me! Oh Catullus enflamed!

My unshackled assent thou hast mortally lamed!

The peccant paynim thou may hast saved,

The soul unbound thine eyes enslaved!

By orison from the Lord above

Dearest Catullus, thou I dost love.

Warrior Princess

I am, Catullus

I am, Catullus

Oh my Catullus who could have known

So quick with mine temper I would have shown?

I am what I am as so moulded am I

I gaze and behold the qualms in thine eye.

Oh my Catullus by thy compassionate grace

My leman, my love, my soul’s sweet embrace

Thine affections return to mine aching heart

Thy care, thy kindness once more impart.

Oh my Catullus never I’ll change,

Thus making my sorrows ever sound strange.

I am what I am as so moulded am I

The mark of a soul borne straight from the sky.

Warrior Princess

A Day, Catullus

A Day, Catullus

Good morn, dear Catullus, let us walk through the street,

It’s not quite oft like this that we meet.

Let us talk awhile lest time should beguile

And take me away from thy sweet smile.

Good day, dear Catullus, let us walk to the prom,

Now from thine musings thou I shalt charm.

Let us take shade ‘neath the old olive leaves

As thine eyes the breath from my breast dost cleaves.

Good eve, dear Catullus, let us sip for a time,

As the shadows grow longer we may yet dine.

Let the cool e’en breeze take the furrows from thy brow

So all our dalliance betides to us here and now.

Good night, dear Catullus, thy head on my breast,

Finally thine heart the aim of my quest.

Let us embrace ever closely, in perpetuum mine

Eternally darling, my benevolence thine.

Warrior Princess

Catullus and I

Catullus and I

Alas. Poor Catullus. What an ache in thy soul.

The wrenched-out wretchedness hast taken its toll.

The heart and mind hath been swallowed whole,

As some capricious hand thy life doth troll.

Thou, love despised. Thy love disposed.

Clodia’s heart forever wert closed.

Upon thine brow the furrows imposed

By sentiment no words disclosed.

                                  

Mine eyes do leak. My heart asunder.

Like thyself, I too, doth blunder.

My mind rolls like slaps of thunder,

My spirit through mine heart doth plunder.

My body fails. My breast doth breathe.

Upon these sheets mine soul doth wreathe.

My aching heart its passions unsheathe

Upon mine pillows these tears bequeath.

The light of eyes in absence, starkness.

From bright blue hues to total darkness.

And round and round the spinning boundless,

Til sleep escapes, it’s exit soundless.

The crashing spasms of love’s inertia

Ignore the grinding mind’s agenda.

The clawing frenzy, all else addenda.

The haunting paroxysm to emerge gravida.

Until at last with the Smile’s return

The loss of lassitude, the heart doth burn.

The hands tremble, the loins yearn.

The utter torment doth inward turn.

Thou shalt not speak thine words of ardour.

Thou shalt not cross that fickle border.

Thou shalt not seek the peace of candor.

Thou shalt not precious time asquander.

Thou shalt sit and smile and play.

Thou shalt chat and yap and neigh.

And all the whilt thy soul shalt sway.

And whence alone at once shalt pray.

Upon the breath of Heaven’s God,

To the Heart of Our Sweet Lord.

This heartfelt cry to Him thou poured,

From this madness thy seeks His cure.

Warrior Princess