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Thursday, June 16, 2011

Happy Never After

And so it is that once upon a whisper all things fall apart. Hopes and dreams part easily at the seams and we mayhaps wonder why. It's those goddamned minor powers-that-be flying in the face of happiness, power tripping like civil servants with the authority to connect your call or not - never is it true power, but irritating nonetheless when your call is disconnected. 

We live lives based on a bubble mixed with a semblance of what-might-be, never knowing that nothing is real save the pain we feel when it all comes to a crashing halt. What can we ever truly depend upon? 'Friends' disappear into bubbles of self-absorbtion when talk no longer centres on them; colleagues are only interested in trampling others to death as they claw for the next promotion; politicians seek only to serve their own higher good; family are never in a position to truly care, although they would never wish to think it; children, well they are only children and we cannot possibly weigh them down with the heartaches of adult life. And so we trudge along through the half-melted snow drift which clogs our steps and drags us from a potential sprint to a sluggish plod.

So what should we do? Should we continue to plod along or should we create for ourselves a metaphysical snowplow? Should we speed through the raging drifts, ignorant of those plodding the road with us and do as others do, pushing aside those who matter nothing to us? Why should we continue, considerate of others who care nothing for us, or who at least, do not care enough to ask how we are? 

For many of us we fear divine retribution or karma; we believe that someday, somehow, somewhere it will pay off, that we will somehow be rewarded or that our goodness towards other will bring like-kind back to us. But what if the atheists are right? What if it is all just a big ball of bullcrap? What if we are plodding along, struggling through every stupid little heartache for it only to end in the darkness of the grave?
From childhood we are filled with Hollywood nonsense, every tale has a happy ending. Real life alas, is not in the hands of the Hollywood scriptwriters, but is held in the hands of some unknowing beings, be they angels or demons - or at least it feels that way ofttimes - and they appear to delight in taking the mick out of us as it pleases them. 

Children should not be allowed to watch Disney movies, teenage girls should not be allowed to read romance, chick-flicks should be screened only with health warnings - all are full of the same 'happily-ever-after' bull that counts for nothing in the real world, but which ultimately create an unreasonable, unaccomplishable benchmark by which each and everyone, consciously or unconsciously, measures their life, their happiness and their life's worth. Maybe it is time to make it all stop. Was life so terrible before fairytale romance became an acceptable norm? I think not, for the world survived as did humankind and for a longer time. This is not to say that the mythical 'Soulmate Love' should be cast aside, but it should be given an appropriate place within real parameters. Children should grow up to realise that life has real limitations and that overcoming them requires hard work and heartache - you cannot google a cheat for the solution to an obstacle! You need to plod along and rummage in the snow for the tools to aide us which may or may not lie hidden there. Children need to learn that life is lesson after lesson, but it is never a happy-ever-after.

I ofttimes wish that I had never learned to read, for dreams are born in the covers of books and murdered in the dull light of reality. If I had never read of the mythical 'happy-ever-after' would I be any less happy in life without it? I believe that I would be happier in the life I do have, if I did not measure it by a yard stick painted in Atlantian numericals. I would embrace each and every achievement with joy in my heart and lightness in my soul, proud of the accomplishment I achieved rather than wondering what it might be like to attain it while also having the 'happy-ever-after' alongside it. And so instead of enjoying the moment I wonder what if, and taint the present moment with the poisonous sweet syrup of 'what-will-never-be'. 

Each and everyday I thank God that I have a son and not a daughter, for men I believe find it easier to disassociate happiness and the 'happily-ever-after'. This most likely connects with the books and films which are directed at them during their formative years. With all this in mind I decided that I will no longer allow myself to be socially defined: I will live as I please; I will dress as I please; I will talk as I please; I will act as I please - because even when I try to suit others, I don't, so sod them. At least by acting like me I am sure to please at least one person - me. And at the end of the day, when things go belly-up and life comes crashing down, who is there for me? Me. So I will please the only person who ever tries to please me. Thankfully my son loves me for me and does not define me. I love him all the more for it and I hope and pray that he grows up with different expectations and a healthier acceptance of reality than I did. If he does, it will all have been so worthwhile in the end. Mayhaps the end will be the reward.                                                                                                                         


  1. So true about women buying into the "happily ever after" myth. But we lie to ourselves sometimes when we believe that we can find happiness through another person. I believe that happiness comes from unconditional love and from within us. Can we share happiness with a partner? Of course. But should we be dependent on that partner for our happiness? No. That's a sure path to unhappiness. Unfortunately, it's a path that I, and many other women, seem to go down over and over. -Lola aka hollychihuahua from Swap-Bot at

  2. I'm slowly realising that it's best not to dream too long, think too big, or expect too much. It only leads to disappointment. :( Keep it small, and maintain a tight grasp on reality and you're more likely to be pleasantly surprised.

    I am here via the "Follow and Comment on My Blog" Swap @ Swap-Bot.

  3. Wow, what a powerful blog.I love it and look forward to following and reading more. Thank you for starting my day on such a high note. Nasreen from swap-bot.

  4. Hi I'm following you fron s b (blackbird 4)I live in athlone-its rare I get somebody from Ireland to contact!!

  5. i so hear you on this! sometimes society feeds us too many crap.. my country is the only country left in the world aside from The Vatican City who doesnt have divorce. ive never been married, and my parents are very much together, but what about those who are in deep shiz? sometimes the irony of it all this hypocrisy becomes less and less amusing... *sigh life!

    happy to have found your blog through swap-bot ^^

  6. Your post is so thought provoking. I especially like the line about the colleagues, as I often wonder what people's intentions are. Your post is authentic and inspiring.
    Anna (mynursecoach) swap-bot