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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Turning Thirty - The Christ Complex -v- The Best Birthday Ever!!

I spent weeks dreading it. That niggling doubt that comes with age; crept in and poked the side of my every conscious moment, whether I was awake or asleep. In my deepest dreams it haunted me - the days are running short, the wrinkle count will increase while the time count will decrease. I was officially old, my twenties but a thing of the past, now becoming the future's ancient history, hidden now in the depths of the shadows of time.

I was officially suffering from the Christ Complex.

I tried to forget it. I tried to ignore it. I tried to shake it off and pretend it didn't really matter. But still it niggled, still it poked and prodded, harassing me where ever I went. Aging was inescapable, it followed me to lectures and tutorials, tapped on my shoulder when I cooked, tripped me as I went to the toilet, constantly reminding me that I am not as young as I used to be, and never will be again.

I was turning the big 3-0.

My parents, good souls that they are, arrived down the day before the Great Event. They took my eager son and assisted him in his purchase of my birthday gift. All was well in the world of the 'not-turning-thirty' year olds.

I was woken at an ungodly hour of the wee morning of the Great Event, my son hopped into bed beside me and loudly wished me a happy birthday. I grunted something along the lines of 'thanks, now shut up and go back to sleep please'. Later the clock called me as per usual on the morning of the Great Event. I looked at my snoring son, clogged up with head-cold and decided I would not wake him at this ridiculous hour - he was staying home with his grandparents to re-coop.

I was no sooner out from beneath the warm covers when he sat up mid-snore and demanded that I turn on the light. Thinking I could lull him back to sleep, I hushed him and told him to rest on, but eyes still closed he said 'Do it for me Mom!' What could a mother do but concede. Two arms wrapped themselves around my neck, a kiss landed on my lips and a 'Happy Birthday Mom' made my heart flip with love for this little man, my little man, my very own son.

He jumped out of bed and presented me with his gift - a beautiful sterling silver chain with a glinting 'K'. I loved it. I loved him. My day started perfectly. And it only managed to get better as it passed.
He decided that if I wished to open my parents gift I had to go into them and wake them.

I received my first diamonds too, and I didn't need a man to get them. Well okay, I concede that my Dad is a man, and since he was one half of the pair who bought them, technically I did need a man to get them, but he is my Dad, so he doesn't count! They may be tiny, but they're mine. They sit one each side of a garnet, all gathered now upon my middle finger, proudly presented to the world, my gift from my loving parents.

My son tried to lay claim to my brand new Snuggie; a gift from my sister - a much needed gift too I might add. I now no longer need to steal my son's favoured blanket on a chilly (or not so chilly) evening. It's so soft that even my Dad gave it a go in the nippy morning air.

Content within myself I set off to uni. My friends knew of my anxiety and thought it such fun (both being members of the 'Been there, done that' t-shirt brigade!) And who could ask for better friends? Not I, for sure. Karen presented me with a box of eggs - telling me she knew I needed to learn to cook (which I seriously do!). Imagine my utter delight when I discovered six Creme Eggs nestled happily inside. I just love Creme Eggs!! Six is a real indulgence, and I could even justify it - it's my birthday and someone's got to eat them!

Mona gifted me with a pedometer. Now I long for a measured stretch where I can pace out my step! We walk over 35 km a week together, so a pedometer was also on the 'much needed' list. I sat in The Bialann with the cosiest glow simmering inside. This day, I thought, might not be so bad after all.

Tired after a long day in class, I returned home at 6:30pm. As I pulled up to the front door, I spied my son espying out through the frosted glass at me. I ventured through the door to be greeted with the best rendition of 'Happy Birthday' ever played upon a whistle.
My heart melted as I looked around and perceived all the princess balloons which now graced the hall. A sign had been attached to the banister, constructed by the hand of my most beloved son. I spent the next twenty minutes talking to both my brothers, one in New York, the other back home in Wicklow.
This was followed by a steaming homecooked dinner prepared by my dear Mama. A phone call to Granny was followed by cake and candles accompanied by another rendition of 'Happy Birthday' on the whistle.Satiated and content we all set out to the cinema. 'The Princess and Frog' was a great way to end the Great Event.

I went home happy. I was content inside in every way. No wrinkles had popped up, no grey hairs had appeared, no clock had stopped ticking. I was still me. I climbed into bed with a smile on my face.
I have great friends whom I love dearly. I have a wonderful family who have been my lifeline so many times, I love them all profoundly. I have the best son ever created by God, he is my life blood, the marrow in my bones.

But what struck me above all else is: I am loved.


  1. You SO are LOVED! We enjoyed sharing your day with you so much. I think next year an apron with some 'real' eggs will be gifted!

    See ya for our morning stroll..............

  2. OH - and that picture is too freaking cute!! I need to scour a few o'me for FB. I am sure Mum has a few funnies laying around :0)

  3. Haha!! That's me at nine months old, it will always remind me that once upon I was good looking!! See you in the morning!

  4. it gets easy as we age. lol.. I just turned 32 and I never even noticed let alone feel that I am on my 30's. However, there is that constant reminder... like the muscle ache and brittle bone....

  5. I'm so jealous-it sounds such a wonderful day-and don't worry -birthdays get easier the older you get!!